Tatiana Peña

Knowing the I AM

2011-11-14T13:29:00.000-08:00

We are on the verge of one more year ends. This has been the very interesting one in my life, I have changed of country, big projects are on the verge of being specified, we are in the middle of strategic movements and there is still more!!
This is a little different newsletter and I am going to ask you to have your Bible in hand at the time of reading it. God has taken the time to show me more closely his character teaching me about his verbs.
Meditating on the story of the flaming bush I realized that more than a liberating God, that rescued his people of the hand of Pharaoh, my God is the great I AM!!
God is a God of verbs .. yes you are reading it well; God is a God of verbs.. (Verb: word that denotes an action)
Do you remember when I said to you that you would need your Bible? This is the stated moment.
Exodus 3 speaks about the great I AM .. and there are several verses that express about a God of movement.
Vr7. “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering----► Yes God has listened to your cry also and knows your anxiety, those that you thought are still unknown for him.
10. So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.---► Have you wondered in the last weeks if the Lord is sending you to speak toyour non Christians friends or you are going mad? God has called us to saved those that are lost (Galatians 6:1)
12 And God said, “I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.”---► God does not send you to face the lions to leave you so that they eat you!! A famous pastor said: " God will not send you where his grace does not protect you ". The verse 12 is clear when it shows that God will be with us when he sends us in a mission.

14 God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’”
15 God also said to Moses, “Say to the Israelites, ‘The LORD, the God of your fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has sent me to you.’
“This is my name forever,
the name you shall call me
from generation to generation.

How beautiful is to know that we have a God in MOVEMENT!! not a god who was, was born, lived, did good works and died..
My God is a God in constant movement, a God who knows my needs and covers them, a God who is prompt to help me and rescue me of the danger, a God who listens to my cry, a God who was with my parents (antecessors) and who will be with my children, my God is not any god..
My God is the great I AM!!!
Thanks for believing in the calling that God has done to my life, for your prayers, for your economic support and for your friendship. It is an honor to serve the people of the great I AM and to work with HIM.

Summer 2011!

2011-10-17T22:24:00.000-07:00

I hope your summer was as fun as mine. Sorry for taking so long for a new update. We had lots of things to do and many things had keep me away from my blog lately.

It`s been 7 months since I joined YWAM Banana Bank as a staff. What an amazing journey!! it feels like it was yesterday when i left my home and moved to Belize.

Football Camp:

On the month of August we hosted our first Football Camp. 33 boys from Roaring Creek and Georgetown came . I lead a small group with the kids ages 8to 9.

What a fun time!! During the day the boys had speaks with some our pastors and in the afternoong they had some social work and practices. We were able to teach life skills! And I was incharged of the "ethiquette class" Lol ( My favorite subject).

Their life was changed and we even went to Punta Gorda for Outreach!! Some of our experiences are on our fb page so click here if you want to know more about this camp.

Camp Atarah:

God has given us the vision of working with the girls of Roaring Creek! We had our first meeting at the end of August. 17 girls came to our camp and I am really excited with what has been speaking to me related to this ministry the last days.

The girls are ages 10 to 13, our goal is to disciple them and share the importance of knowing God and also develop themselves as daughter of the king! This includes pursuing education, wich is a really dificult thing to consider for some girls in Belize.

Here are some pics of our camp CLICK HERE .

My personal life:

God has showed his hand over my life in many ways. From rescuing me and my friends from a burgalry and being ambushed to allowing me to graduate from college!!

Yes, I am officially a journalist :).

I am writting from my hometown : El Salvador. The weather delayed me from my trip back to Belize, it`s been an interesting time for me.

After so many years, this is the very first time I am only an espectator during a hard rainny season in Central America, I have to say it`s been painfully hard.

It`s really hard to watch the news and not be able to go out and serve as I was used to do for the last 10 years of my life...

However, I understand my prayers help to move the heart of God too so, I am holding to the promise that " the prayer of the righteous is powerful".

Thank you!! your prayers and support are the ones who keep me working on the field. Your financial support is also a blessing for me and many others I work with :) - Thank you

Blessings

Tatiana

Ruined to the Ordinary

2011-07-16T11:56:00.001-07:00

I left home with the strong conviction that I would finally know the 'other side' of life. When you grow up in a house where everyone is involved in the ministry you tend to think that you never really have the opportunity to 'experience' what my friends call : Real Life ...

At first everything seemed out of a movie...what i was doing had a 'status' ie, I had a normal life that included getting up, eating, going to work, go home and sleep, clearly the remuneration at the end of the month was something I enjoyed but, my mind reminded me of the purpose for which Once I decided to study communications in college.

Every day I felt like something inside me told me that I was not on the right track, call me crazy or insecure, but something inside me said that there was much more than I could see or have, I was ruined for the ordinary ...

Belize is a country in the process of a revival and just like the rest of the world, they are standing on the gap to stop agendas that will mark the future of the new generation.

So when that feeling came over me I blamed the country's situation and kept doing it until I discovered that Esther experienced the same thing a few centuries ago when a Jew represent his people in the royal court and a descendant of Agag sought to destroy: For not kneeling before him.

Esther went through a long process to realize that she was ruined for the ordinary, Aman had conspired against the Jews and she was in a crucial position to transform history.

I'm not saying I'm the new Ester, I say that God puts us in crucial positions for crucial moments. Esther enjoyed the best things,just like I did but I'm sure something inside her never allowed her to enjoyed them the same way someone else would do. She had a vision ( although she didn't know as yet).

Be ruined for the ordinary involves more than give yourself body and soul to work in ministry X or Y, spend hours constructing a building for refugee for a community or simply make charity.

TO be ruined to the ordinary means knowing your vision, stand in the gap in order to make a change when the odds are against you, knowing that GOD IS AHEAD OF YOU, because you were born for such a time like this.

It's a matter of courage, to realize that what Mordecai told Esther is true: 'If you remain absolutely silent, another will arise relief and deliverance for the Jews is (...)'English translation:"If you do not do something with God's call He always find someone else to do it".

Esther discovered her vision when she saw that her people would be eliminated product of an edict sealed with the ring of the King, So she stood on the gap and her eyes were opened to the extraordinary thing that God wanted to do in history.

God places us in crucial situations for crucial reasons. It took me a while but I finally got it. I can not be at a better place and on a best time of my life.

It takes just a little faith to see God doing extraordinary things using someone ordinary like that young Esther, or a young pastor like David

ALl I can say are the words that have marked my heart since I heard them from the mouth of Esther (or at least read it from the Bible): 'I will go before the king,even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish

Update

2011-06-18T15:03:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since the last time I wrote. God is working in my life in a supernatural way.

There are still things related to the culture that I find it hard to assimilate, but I continue to remember that once I put my eyes on Christ, the rest is a matter of attitude and desire.

has been almost 3 months since the day I leave my house, my family, my comfort.

God shows me every day the reason to bring me here, despite how difficult it can be I have no regrets to live this life as a missionary. It is actually way better than I imagined.

Belize is in the process of upgrading in many areas is a beautiful country with people who love you despite being so different.

The house I live it is populating: we are now 5 young single ladies living in the same place .. is interesting to study how hormones interact and collide. But it's much better to see how God uses it to make us grow.

Sometimes, its hard for me to remeber that i was that age at some point of my life. However, His grace is enough and his love helps everything feel easier!

My laptop died, thanks to a virus , so for now is getting harder to bring you up to date with what is happening here. Something you should know is .. WE have A LOT of work and each day is interesting in its own context.

In the YWAM base we're filled with work, we are getting ready to receive different teams from around the world and a major conference called LEGACY wich purpose is to help young people to engage deeply with the Lord and seek His face.

This year we expect 600 youth, pray for each of the conference leaders to be wise and God open our eyes to meet the needs of people with whom we work.

I'm definitely in the place that God wants for me.

The day my life changed

2011-04-03T14:31:00.001-07:00

It took me 4 days, 4 hours and 20 minutes to come to the place where 6 years ago God transformed my life. In the process, the things were not easy but God's hand didn´t stop amazing me not even one moment. I went down the bus in Melchor de Mencos (border guate-Belize) and the nostal

gic for my house came upon me, but the certainty to know that what now I do is what God wants me to, made me recover with a rapidity that I never imagined.

My first day was interesting, God always finds small details to make me laugh, sing, smile and even take my breath away. From speaking with my mami right after i put a foot in Belize, to finding a place to drink coffee few blocks away from the office!! GOD IS IN BELIZE of that I do not have any doubt.

So here's a hint of how i know God is in Belize, yesterday evening, while I was collaborating in an annual concert that my friends plan called YC Belize, I saw a pastor of New Jersey impacting the life of thousands after speaking about the way God accepts you no matter what thething that are on the past has made you think.

When he called forward those who were wishing God to "switch" their life, many of them did it but, there were 3 children of approximately 11 years old who made my heart cry.

I cannot be in a better place. This is a country where the church is expanding across the young people and is this young people, who's looking for creative ways of bringing others to a real and intimate relation with God, and i gotta admit that if feels nice to be a part of that.

Here I share some of the first photos in my new country. I hope you like them and that the news of this new adventure bless your life.

-Tat-

Miskiwat

2011-03-22T21:22:00.000-07:00

How nice feels to see that an effort is taken in account in a country that is not yours. A country in which muticulturality impregnates this mystical touch, that provokes me to get into the history books just to read more about their roots.

Miskiwat is an article that I wrote for my printed Media class, it is based on the natives miskitos of Nicaragua and it was the inspiration and the base of my dissertation and thesis to get my barchelor´s degree in Social Communication in the UCA.

I know that many of those who read my blog have experienced this satisfaction of seeing their texts &/or articles published in the newspapers and media in general thousands of times, it is possible that it even seems to them as something normal and perhaps you do not understand the emotion that caused to me to enter my Twitter and to see me labelled in the account of confidencial.com.ni.

Here the link is to my first publication in a way of national circulation!

MISKIWAT: The cultural legacy of the Nicaraguan Miskitos

I am moving to Belize

2011-03-17T10:28:00.000-07:00

After 6 years, waitting to have the opportunity of going to the place God talked to me about my calling and purposse in life. April is the month I am moving to Belize a beautiful country located above Guatemala.

I have a mix of feelings about going over there, altho I know this will be a time of trainning before I start the ministry God has call me to do, it´s not easy to leave home. Yes, home this is what Nicaragua became to me after 3 years.

Challenging and exciting times are comming and I want to share all about it with you!!

Read the updates I will be posting on my blog every week! I hope you enjoy this new journey just as much as I am doing it now!!

Tat

The sea of opportunities

2011-02-11T13:01:00.000-08:00

I hear about the story of Israel crossing the red sea,since I remember. There remain the classes of Sunday school, drawings and movies that count the miracle that happened this day when God was covered of glory while he opened the sea and allowed Israel to escape of Pharaoh and his army.
Personally, I believe that the versions I have listened about this day scarcely manage to describe 1 % of what God wanted us to understand with the situation mentioned above.
And there they were, facing an obstacle that looked much bigger than the previous ones and with thousands of voices that were complaining and reminding to him how small he was and/or should feel, compared to that panorama.
He had listened to his words long enough time, to know that that situation was scaping of his hands; the complaints were turning into ghosts that seemed to take life as the cars were approaching and at the head there was nothing more than an imponent ocean which name seemed to prophesy what was coming over them.

Undoubtedly, I have feel like Moses often; overwhelmed by the impetuous world in which I live with people who FIGHT to make me feel without scape, without exit, without course.
God did much more that just saving his people of a sure death by the hands of the Egyptians;when he opened the red sea. It showed them that once they allow him to take the control of the situations, the results of these dark moments are surprising.
The Lord said to Moses: Why are you crying out to me? Tell the ISraelites to MOVE ON!
He created that opportunity to demonstrate to his people the big plans He had for them. Opportunities that in spite of not shining of pink color and not being covered of gold or of what would seem "normal" to any human being; were directed to the glorious plan interwoven by God.
The condition was simple:Move on! do not hope that I take them because I go ahead and behind you.
To cross this red sea,meant to believe in the opportunity that God was opening for them and implicate hurring up to do it by themselves " without thinking it very much " - as my dad says.

Recently, I have experienced the same feeling of the people of Israel. The opportunities have appeared and the voices of despondency, showed up as soon as I decided to put my feet in the sand hoping that God will transform this sea into two columns that would give me shade until I arrive to the other side.
The fact is that, when you have the certain that the opportunity comes from God, it belongs to fools not to believe in His loyalty and return to Egypt, instead of walking although an army approaches to devour you. If He planned this moment for me,He will go ahead and behind me just like the cloud and the column of fire did with with Israel.
The same presence will walk with you, if you decide to shut the voices down , do not distract and keep your vision in the goal;like Moses did, even on the middle of the complaints of two million people.
I do not repent, to walk in the middle of a red open sea trusting that these water columns will continue there until I get to the other side. It has been a wonderful adventure. And once I get there I will not hesitate to begin my way towards the promised land, the Cannaan that God already prepared for me.

Love is...

2010-07-13T17:21:00.001-07:00

Life has changed and so did I, new goals move me and I can see the purpose why I am here more than ever before in my life.

Reading at some friend´s status on a famous social network I started to think about how hard is to learn what Love really is. As most of the people i learned that it ´s more than a feeling or a mood and it´s even more complex than just making a decision.

That is the way i learned over here, when people are mean enough to make me feel like a cockroach, when they act like you are another obstacle they have to defeat or when they simply ignore your presence for being a yellow lemon on a basket full of green ones; just for being a follower of Christ.

And just as you have done, I have think about many things I can tell, do or plan for them but once again the Holy Spirit reminds me i have to stick on a cross and part of that is learning what love really is about.

So, I think i finally figured out what the matter with love really is.... And here goes the conclusion i have so far. You might disagree on somethings but, please remember I am still on the process of learning more about it.

Something I know for sure is that to love takes more than a human effort and way more than patience to really happen.

Love it´s all about salvation and redemption, it´s about being kind when the world treats you like trash, being wise when all you want to do is scream , be truth on an untrue world and suffer; suffer knowing that your pain will worth the salvation of one soul or thousands. Just the way Jesus did before, on and after the cross.

Love it´s about being brave enough to fight against dragons in order to rescue one soul. Jesus did that for me and for you, He climbed a tower that looked like a cross to rescue us and fought against the World. Because, for him you and I are worthy.

So, love is not about flowers and dates. It´s all about Jesus captivating our heart and looking forward to conquer us and redeem us.

Suddenly, everything made sense. Love is not about looking for ways to turn a guy or girl´s heart to me so he is able to see how sweet, nice or good We are.IT´s more about emotions it involves sacrifice and the certain that nothing is gonna change His love for me.

It´s all about ME turning to JESUS because, I was created for a bigger person and I was created to be faithful to Him.

So next time you wonder about Love remember He loved you first and all we need to do is open our heart so His love ponders our heart, break our vessel and allows us to share it with others.

Feeling as a yellow lemon

2010-06-13T16:20:00.000-07:00

Growing up on a basket full of green lemmons when you realize you are a yellow one, is not always easy.There are plenty of things you have to go through to prove that even when you are a lemmon, the things you carry inside are not the same the rest is carrying.

I am almost 26 years old and everyday, I discover things that makes me be so different than the person i though Iwas. Many things marked my life and it´s obvious that this year, many others will be added to my long list of experiences that made me become who I am.

To be born at a latin american home is not easy, I dont regret i did. In fact, I am more than proud of my race, my language, my nationality. But I have to admit that being an independent woman is really tought, specially in a society where man don't comprehend the difference between being a slave and a good wife, female, company,etc.

I love doing what I do here, getting dirty by the dust or sweat when we travel to the communities to bring help to those who are soo close to God's heart... The truth is, that I would trade anything I have to keep doing that and I wouldn[t mind to leave on a side the "social"commitments .

My life seems to be taking a different road, way beyond the one I dreamed about before, or totally different to the one I imagined, when I turned 9 and meet those missionaries who impacted my heart by teaching me how to see cultures through the people's heart.

But, in order to reach what is on the next door of my journey I must be determined to step on the gap.

See, when God calls an ordinary person for something extraordinary, all He asks is to have faith and take the risk to trust that He will lead you to the next level.

A very wise man told me few years ago that failure is not an option for any human been.Well, i believe Failure is not an option for any child of the Lord. When He calls, he provides, he transforms cultural situations, he organize thoughts, ideas, etc; .

Just to use someone as ordinary as you and me to do extraordinary things you never imagined.

So next time you feel like the only yellow lemmon on the basket, remember God has called you to the BIG LEAGUES; so leave your comfort zone and let Jesus walk on your shoes.

He sees more than I see

2009-10-30T03:40:00.000-07:00

I woke up this day with the firm desire to shout to the world the sad thing that my heart feels whenever I remember the images of yesterday. Often, I want to express with all my forces the consequences that many desicions bring to the life of innocents who, perhaps never thought about how to receive the blows, threats and maltreatments that persons dominated by the anger, the hate, the powerlessness, the fear and even any that another substance did against students, workers and others simple citizens who were not doing anything else than to obey an order of their superiors.
Yesterday, the images of the Nicaraguan T.V channels where full of students who were fighting for 6 % in the budget of the State that might turn affected for the next year. Minutes later, students of an university were attacked by "supposed" students who without saying a word they attacked them with spear mortars hurting of consideration, although not seriously two young ladies. Meanwhile, others were running away looking for a roof that can protect them from the rain of fireworks shoted against them
At the same time, another group went with eggs, tomatoes and mortars on their hand at the embassy of the United Statesof America, to shout affronts and to defendthemselves from what they call " the Yankee injerencism ".At the end, after destroying the lighting, the badge with the shield of the United Statesand other things, they were dispersed by tear-producing gases.
But while many people were watching these images, my heart was reminding me how necessary it is to love the ground where I am. They small things as a smile, the memory of the children after they received a bag with food and the feeling of a life marked are some of the things that made me stay here.
As human beings it is very easy to take a side and to defend it to layer and sword, but as Christians we often ignore (because I am sure that we all have this point clear ) that our struggle isagainst something spiritual and goes beyond the actions that a human being takes.
Every thing that happens in this place, as well as about the world has a spiritual background that far from scaring it should impel us to win others for Christ by usign the love, the compassion and the courage that Jesus left to us.
Thismornign, while I was thinking what will the day bring, I took the decision to conquer the evil with love, to leave the fear aside and to remember that the ONE who is next to me is bigger than who wants to destroy me and that if yesterday I wasnt the one inured one TV it was simply because God kept me, because He sees more than I can see and because every thing for unjust that seems is under His control.

An Oasis in the desert

2009-08-09T13:14:00.000-07:00

Ayda Martínez Alina is a year younger than me, and has four children that I am missing. She lives in a community of El viejo Chinandega, where erosion has made it almost impossible to agriculture and water shortage due to multiple reasons, but the hope that comes when the light is darker is what keep them firm and persevering.

Every day she wakes up at four o'clock to help her husband Juan to get ready for a day of work at the sawmill. "We save a part of the money we make for food and sometimes, we have enough, we buy clothes," says Ayda with a nervous smile while preparing the last cup of beans of the family.

Living in Waspante is not easy. The people must search as many jobs as they can. While their wives are devoted to take care of the house.For Ayda things are not different. At her 24 years is already a mother of four children between the ages of one and thirteen years old and is engaged to the domestic tasks since she left school when she discovered she was pregnant.

She is part of the 70 families who received the blessing that each month the organization Convoy of Hope gives to families of the poorest communities in Nicaragua.

It was eight o'clock when a neighbor came to tell Ayda that she had just received a call confirming that the group had left Managua at 5 in the morning with a truck full of stuff to share on the community “. "They say they are on their wait and that the group is full of teenagers," - said excitedly, as she asked her oldest daughter to help her dress the little ones with the best clothes they had.

Thirty minutes passed since herneighbor came to her house. Marito, the youngest of her kids asked her insistently to began to walk to avoid the sun and be the first ones to arrive at church. So once the children were all dressed and presentable, she decided to go where hours later would become the oasis in the desert for 75 families.

The road to the evangelical church is paved and dusty and the fruit trees that decorate it are the tangible evidence that some time this was an extremely fertile soil. “"Here was once beautiful, I remember that when I was younger and we didn´t have anything to eat we use to climb the trees and have lunch there, now these are the only healthy trees we have"- express Ayda while she cleans the sweat of her forhead.

Thirty minutes after traveling a dusty road, Ayda and her children arrived at the church, a temple made of old pilars and an improvised wooden roof and walls where aprox. 20 families attend. When she got there the only sit available was an old brown beanch. Marito was the first to sit while his mother got on her knees and began a prayer that lasted over half an hour.

The clock marked the half minutes after ten, from June 23th ,2009.

To the amazement of many a white truck parked in fornt of the temple, behind it, another gray truck stopped and a mand with a latino look got down and with a "God bless you " gretted the groupd and , almost inmediately, ordered 10 young Americans to get off the vehicles and help downloading a 150 white bags with the logo of two hands entwined where the name "Convoy of Hope" can be read.

"Hopefully they are toys," said Ayda´s oldest son, "no boy , I hope it is food" - his mother contradicted while they were watching the group get organized.

The bags loaded with soups, pasta, beans, dried fruits and shoes were located in one side of the building. The pastor approached the group and with a "God bless you brothers and friends" started the meeting.

After a 20 minutes service, a young woman with a high resemblance to the Mexican accent, as the inhabitants of the place said, stood before the bags and started to call one by one of the audience. Six names later she heard "Ayda Martínez Alina ...". With a smile on her face and the ID on her hands she stood up, and laid the baby in the arms of her sister, and running to the front she received two white bags, the first one with food and the other with clothes and shoes that for your surprise were of the size of her children.

"With this food my kids will not starve" said weeping."This is as they say, an oasis in the desert, although I have never seen one," she said, while she placed a bag on her head and lifted up the youngest of her daughters.

to mi abuelita

2009-07-14T11:47:00.001-07:00

Two years ago my great grandmother passed away after 92 years of a life full of challenges, happiness and wisdom.
My great granny or abuelita Angelita as i used to call her was the strongest woman i ever met and I have to admit that most of my attitudes related to be strong in life comes from the example she gave me.
She was born in 1912 a year full of revolutionary things around the world, tragedies like the Titanic and blessings like my abuelita who raised 12 kids and thaught them the real meaning of unity in the family. 5 of them are still alive the rest died in different circumstances, but i never saw her complaining for her lost.
Her father was a Palestine man who moved to El Salvador a long time ago, he had 2 other women each of them with 3 or 4 kids and since my abuelita´s mother didn´t believed in marry she didn´t grew up with her father. But her brothers where always there and still are sharing all the wise things i have learned.
When i was little my parents always took me to her house for vacations and school breaks and I loved to go there. When you are a kid,you dont really demand too much to love someone or the place where that person lives, so i remeber i used to go there with the biggest joy ever and spent as many hours as possible in her company.
But I grew up and my life, dreams and expectations about life started to change; I didnt enjoy to go as much as i used to because i realized being in a place without TV wasn´t too fun. However, she never complained for my complains, she loved me for who I was instead of criticize me for what I was demanding. And her love made me change more than i imagine.
She taugth me to be strong when life shows you the coldest side like the day when her son Julio was murder by a drunk driver in California and after few weeks he was disconnected, but she didn´t complain.
She taught me to be thankful even when your situation is the worse like she did when her leg got gangrene during a visit in the States and while the doctors didnt think they could save the leg she was always kind even to the rude nurses and she never complainned.
She taught me to be determined like the day she decided to raise 12 kids . And she did a great job.
She taught me that to LOVE is more than just a word but a lifestyle when she kept supporting his husband while he was making music and even when he wasn´t too involved on the family thing , but she loved him until the day he died and even when he died young and as a product of a Brain hemorrhage ( one of the most unfair deaths to me ) she didn´t complain.
She never complainned neither for the pooverty nor for the pain.
And now I am here celebrating her life because this is the way she wanted me to remember her: as the woman who taught me how to live the real and tough life. The woman who loved Jesus so much that even when she was dying she asked the people in the room to sing anthems instead of cry.
The woman who loved her family not beacuse we visited her or not. Not beacuse we were figthing or loving eachother, She loved us for who we are, she loved us beacuse we were her children.

Your gifts or my gifts?

2009-06-12T15:11:00.000-07:00

Looking at the people around me i realize that many times we let our ego work where our humbleness should be and I also realize that many times i let my ego put me in the same situations as a consequence of ignoring why God gave me the gifts and habilities i have.
It´s sad to watch how many confuse the fact of spending 24/7 at a church building with loving God and the serving him with pushing everybody to do what they want. They use their gifts as a way to empower themselves and they left on a side the real purpose of serving.

This reminded me a verse that i read some time ago about the gifts God gives us and its purpose in the body of Christ.
When we are "promoted" to the next level and God places us in positions of importance, it´s so easy to forget that what we are getting is not a promotion, but a new responsibility to serve the bride of Christ, and as any responsibility results will be demanded by the person who gave the gifts to us: God.
The bible says in 1 Corinthians 12: 6,7: There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men.
7 Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.
This means that the gifts of the Spirits are not given to prove others how special I am or how "committed" I am to God, etc. They are given for the common good ( the good of the church).
When we are "promoted" it´s not hard to start talking and acting according to what we think we are, we start using over spiritual words and a language and actions that sounds like martian for those who are under our care and we forget that the possessive "MY" should not be even mention.
A gift is not given to show others how good I am and the fact that we have been called to serve or go somewhere ( in my case to be a missionary) is not a way to prove ourselves how brave we are. When we start saying My gift, MY calling, MY trip,MY ministry etc., with pride and some sort of arrogance we are ignoring the fact that "OUR" gifts were not given to serve US but to serve THE BODY of Christ and build up the church.
To do the common good means more than just doing the best to not hurt anybody, it means to deny my flesh to use what God gave me for my own purposes. The common good is to realize that i am not being Promoted I am just getting more responsibilities that means i need more of HIM and less of ME in order to build up the church of Christ.
So a spiritual gift is not a weapon given to me to be used against my army fellows it´s an instrument to show God´s care and love to those who are called: The bride.

"So it is with you. Since you are eager to have spiritual gifts, try to excel in gifts that BUILD UP the church" 1Corinthians 14: 12

God sees more than I can see

2009-06-02T20:58:00.000-07:00

The past three days Kimberly, Levis, Peter and me have been traveling in the west of the country shooting the video for the LACC program. We left on Sunday at 6 am and drove to Corinto one of the cities on the coast for the morning service. Last days i have been feeling that Corinto would be the place where God will start the revival in Nicaragua. It´s located in a very important place for the economy and the leaders of the church are a couple of vision and faith.

After service we went to this sea food restaurant that it´s very famous, but for some reason i can´t remember the name.
Later that day, we decided to go to the church in Leon, the pastor asked us to seat on the platform, that means no pictures of the place and obviously not falling asleep, as you can imagine, we were all really tired but somehow God gave us strength and made us go there to witness more than we imagined.
The service was the end of a week of intercession for the nations. We introduce ourselves to the church and gave thanks for the prayer for our nations. I said. thanks for your prayers, I have learned that intercession can move the heart of God. Never doubt that your prayers will be answer because now i see that I am here as an answer to the prayer of someone I don´t know who asked God to send workers to this nation.
The service started and while they were worshiping the Lord I could see how many young people where worshiping Him, this is a young church and most of the members are or were students of the christian school that the LACC supports.
While they sang the part : "Lift up your eyes and see the crop is ready, the times has come , the grain is mature. Raise up and be brave, Raise up and preach to all the nations that Jesus is the life". I could not stop staring at the flags on the platform where each central American country where represented and they also included the States..So, while they were singing i could see how this young people where that crop the Bible talks about : a crop that is not just ready to be harvested but a seed that is also ready to produce fruit.
Levis had to preach and 15 people came to Jesus, and there is when my most beautiful memory of this trip happened..
Standing there with a face of innocence a lite boy around 14 or 13 years old came to the front to receive Jesus in his heart. Everybody else had someone leading them to the prayer of repentance but him. I wanted to go and ask someone if I could help him and before I stood up God told me: be quiet and see. So I stayed and looked at the boy.
His eyes where shining like stars and a big smile was placed on his face. Staring at the altar he couldn't even´t open his mouth to express any emotion. No one was really talking to him, he was actually being kinda ignored by the rest, but it seemed like he didn't really needed a person to talk to him and make him understand how important his decision was. Because I am sure that he was staring at Jesus.
He lift up his eyes and stare at what someone would call nothing but his face reflected that joy and emotion that only Christ can give and he started to cry while he was asking the Lord to come to his heart. I was crying with him, picturing the big party the angels had in heaven at that time and how proud Jesus where of this brave man who decided to accept the gift of grace.
i have no words to express what my heart felt at that moment, all I can say is yes.. I cried a lot... I cried tears of joy knowing that a new brother was born and to see how that crop was there being harvested and i was there to witness it. Jesus love is so sweet that is not hard to recognize it. He sees more that we can see.
That night he saw more that i could see. He saw a child, His child who was ready to be loved. He saw a man where i saw a kid. He saw a revelation where i saw another person coming to the kingdom. He saw the harvest where I could only see a potential seed.
He trust me a work where all i could see was an inexperienced young woman fighting with the old woman in order to do His will.

UPDATE!

2009-05-30T15:12:00.000-07:00

Many times i went to a mission´s trip without realizing the importance of having the right motivation and totally ignoring , at that time, the importance of building my actions on the foundation of Christ. Now i see that many of those attempts to do "what's good" in the eyes of God never succeeded. The reason is obvious tough; when you build something on a wick foundation it would fall apart sooner than you thought.
Last days have been one of the craziest and busiest ones for me. Working on the video for the LACC program on different schools of the country confirmed to me that when you build something using Christ as the foundation the fruits of your work would go beyond your sight. Many of the communities we visit suffered a tragedy on the past or are located on a very poor and dangerous section, it took one step of faith of their leaders (teachers, pastors, etc) to move the heart of God and receive the help they need at that time.
We come to the schools and churches to ask about the impact of an infrastructure a church build many years ago and while we listen to the kids and teachers talk, I realize more and more how important is to do the things with excellence and to not forget who should be the foundation of every act we do.

The bible says : " but each one should be careful how he build. For one can´t lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ." The verse also says that all we do will be revealed by with the fire, because the fire test the quality of each man´s work" 1 Corinthians 3: 10-13.

This is definitively what i can see on those schools. Christ as the only foundation and Christians working together to build up more than the education of the Nicaraguan children, they are bringing Jesus in a practical way. It has really been tested with fire and the fruits of their work still remains. Well, I can´t deny it... I am on the right place, with the right people and the right nation, for now.
It is interesting to see how the spirit touches me every time one of those kids talk : yes , u know me, i start crying those tears of joy i love to feel running on my face when i am witnessing the impact a small action causes on a child´s life. The coolest part of doing this video, at least for me, is not just that I am learning things I would use in my career sometime soon. The super duper best part is to listen to kids who realized that being poor is not an excuse to stop pursuing your dreams and now dream about finishing a career and traveling around the world as missionaries or nurses who will go to their communities to bring the health care their people need.
Children like me who´s life was changed by the vision of a person who knows that the main thing to teach goes beyond the education of a child, it´s remained to the construction of a life founded on the King of Kings: Jesus Christ.

Learning how to recognize

2009-04-26T13:27:00.000-07:00

Many of us always wonder what were the disciple thinking about, when they totally ignored that Jesus was the one talking to them on the way to EMMAUS. Why they didn´t recognize Him? Why was so hard to see something that for all of us is so obvious? It couldn´t be other than Jesus...
Well, few days ago i was talking with a friend about taking risks and how to recognize when God is asking you to take it. We were saying that God is so obvious and even thata sometimes it's so hard for us to see Him. I think we all agree on this : GOd is so obvious that once we think about all the things that happened in our past we can really see His hands working through it.
But how can we recognize GOD? and How can we really Know Him ? As i walk on this world i see many people trying to please an unpleasant god, a deity that demands imposible things and gives just a litle bit back, they die to do as many things as posible to be well known by that figure they call god that is not quite close to the one i know.
Many times when i walk on this land i ask myself why is so hard for this people to see that God is so obvious and that what he asks from you is not really imposible ? I can´t say i discovered the answer to my question yet, but i'll like to share with you what i have found out lately:
We can´t have comunion if we don´t recognize that Jesus die and arrose to make it happen, I think we are all clear on that point.
To recognize, what a hard word to explain and what an obvious concept it must be in our christian life. For me the word recognize is the anthitesis of another word that many of us read but not quite comprehend: FOOL.
The dictionary describes fool as: a person who is slow to understand. Lack of perception.
On luke 24: 25 Jesus says:" How foolish you are and how slow of heart to believe in all that the prophets have spoken!"
And what really calls my attention on that verse are two things:Foolish , wich concept i explained before and Slow of heart...a lazy person witha a moral and emotional wickness.
The disciples walked with Jesus for 3 years and even after they knew the word they never comprehend it. They waste the 3 days of "break" God gave them until Jesus arrise, wondering if the prophecies where true and mourning instead of getting ready for the mistery to be revealed.
Why they didn´t recognized him? I honeslty believe that their problem was the lack of one of this three facts, mots of us ignore:
1: The mind: we need to renew our minds and let Him transform it into HIs by studying the Bible and asking him to help us understand what he's trying to say. To remind our mind means to start thining the way HE thinks and as a consecuence start acting the way he would if He was in our shoes.
The mind is that litle mechanism that tells you to wait until you are ready if that's what God is really asking when your heart syas OBEY. It's also that frame in your brain that make you stumble when you read the word: and everything will be added...
The one that cuts our vision because what we pursue is appareantly un reachable and in fact stupid. But the mind is the one who stop working when some of us decide to leave all our will at the mercy of the second point :
2: Emotions: what a tinny and at the same time deep fact is this that can affect our entire comunion with the Lord if dont really give it to HIm.And how fool we are when we are waitting for the Lord to talk when we can feel His presence!! We totally forget that HIS merely presence is the bigget prove of HIS love. But to be on His presence is necesary to spend time with him , more than a simple sunday or a bible study.
I like to think that to let my rel. with God grow i must do a litle bit of what i do when i am interested on making a new friend. When you start talking to that person you spend most of the time thinking what should you say or not, wondering if he/she will think you are stupid if u ask this and practicaly quiet because you don´t really know what he/ she likes. But on that process od spending time together you get to see new things that might help you to establish a deeper conversation and not a MONOLOGUE ( as many of use are used to) like the fact that she doesn´t repeat the same pair of earrings during the week or that his favorite food in the world is the ice cream. Your merely presence and the pereseverance of being there as much time as you can shows to the other person how much you care. And it's the same with God.
We will never recognize HIM if we don´t even KNOW him!! so in order to know him we must : 1. Read the scriptures and 2. Spend more time on His presence.
But the last one is the one that i like the most and it includes a deeper thing than my mind and emotions, it talks about my soul . The soul is the most preocious treasure and the one most of us never take care of. My soul the instrument i use to believe and the uderserved gift i got when i decided to accept JESUS.
So we can´t really recognized GOd if our strength is only one of these areas. GOd wants ALL of me : MY mind, my emotions and my soul. There's not such thing as a Trinity if there are not 3 deities. GOD; JESUS and the HOLY SPIRIT.
There's not recognition of GOD if all we have is a strong mind or controlled emotions but a wick soul. We will never realize is Jesus who's talking to us if instead of getting ready for what HE is about to reveal we sit in our rooms and mourn and wonder what if...
This update cloncludes on this " Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your sould and with all your mind and with all your strength" But to love is also a descition to make so if u want to recognize him you gotta love HIm first and if u wanna love him you must start taking descitions that will lead you to that goal.

Ordinary people doing extraordinary things

2009-04-09T15:21:00.000-07:00

This update is a little sad for me. But I decided to share his story because i believe this is the kind of people we all need to learn from.When u get to an organization you see how everything works without thinking who payed the price of breaking the barriers in order to make things easier for the new generation.
Mayor Michael Sharpe was a leader at the Salvation Army when i started working there at the age of 18.I used to hear so many great stories about a "gringo" who decided to come to Central America and helped many people change their minds. A family who adopted two of the 3 beautiful daugthers they have and transformed their life in a marvelous way. I can say many things i heard and saw that really showed me what to be a barrier breaker was like. and not only show but challenged me to become into something more than an ordinary person. 'coz at some point i realized that i wanted to do more...
Many of us want to do more than just go church and sit on the same sit until Jesus comes back, but the truth is that many of us are too affraid to take the risk. Perhaps because our society is telling us how impossible is to do extraordinary things when you are a youg person or poor or unqualified or maybe unexperted, but people like major Sharpe thaugth me that to become an ordinary person doing extraordinary things all you need is FAITH and COURAGE. Living a life of purity in a world that every day gives us many ways to be a "open minded chirstian" is not easy, taking the risk of letting God take you beyond your limits is certainly scary.
But when i look back and remember all the things people like major Sharpe did for JEsus reminds me that God always send someone to break the barriers to make things a lit bit easier for the new generation. He did more than just impact a society and the comunity of Bridgepot Ct. he showed us what to really have God's fingerprints in the heart looks like , by a willingly life of service and love for the people that no one wanted to be with. Now tha the Lord called him home ; the ones who reamin here will always remember the words of the tall man who choosed life in a place where many get shootand killed , who choosed love in a society where an orphan means nothing and who choosed GOd in a world where everybody think is the last thing you need.
May we always pray that GOd raise up more people like him wich example challenge the youth to do something more than clapping hands on a sunday service or speaking words of commitment we never acomplished. Let's pray God raises more ORDINARY people to do EXTRAORDINARY things... let's pray God makes us the one who will transform this generation and will prepare the path for the one to come..

The tatoo of the heart

2009-03-29T17:19:00.000-07:00

The past days has been full of challenges and oportunities for my life in every area of it. Every single day is a new adventure that touches me in some special way . I met Rosario Duarte in Comahen few days ago when we were servign there with a team from MN.
She came with the hope of finally hearing God's reply to one of the two petitions she had since many years ago. She loved to read the Word and one day her glasses broke, at her age it was very hard for her to read without glasses so, instead of asking God for money to get the glasses she ask Him the desire that move me to write this update.
She asked him : LORD, don´t let me forget of Your word that i memorized in my heart during this years, so in this way be I will be able to know what are u talking to my life.
Many of us never think about this kind of stuff. It's so easy to read the bible and attend a church when we have all of the resources and the money we need to catch a bus or a cab and do it.
How many words do we have in our heart? The bible says that the people from Israel used to write the Word on their doors, clothing and wrist so they will always remeber it. How many times do we really think about what is GOd asking us to do before we act by impulse or before we decide to do something we know can mark our life?
To ask God not to let us forget the words we keep in our heart means more that just memorize verses , it's like a tatoo in our heart that can´t never be erase, but it take more than just to read the bible.
We must decide to deny ourselves so Christ might reing in us and tatoo our heart with His blood.
We need to understand that being a christian goes way beyond attending church 24/7 or be an active member.
The tatoo of the heart envolves more than pure activism it's an act of real commitment to do what God is calling us to do.

And God touched them again

2009-03-23T20:45:00.000-07:00

The last time they saw them the sorrow and mourn was the only thing they had, after the fade took their comunities. THe sadness was all they though they will get but somehow the sunshine came and extraordinary things started to happen at Comahen, Chinandega.
The days passed and the feeling of emptiness cam back until God decided to send what i will call the Medical Swat Team(SWT), a group of men and woman of God from different places in america who did more that just bring medicine to the sick ones.They brought joy on a place of sorrow and love on the empty hearts.
So this weekend when we arrived at Comahen i decided on my heart i would be more than a translator to be able to see what God really wanted meto see.
So, GOD TOUCHED THEM AGAIN, but this time He didnt send proofs to build their character or food to feed the hunger. HE sent love and care so they will heal their wounds and medicine to heal the body that the loneliness and pooverty made them forgive a long time ago.
GOD TOUCHED THEM AGAIN: when he gives them ears that even when the language wasnt the same they were willing to hear all the pain on their hearts and give more than a sanitizaer pack, but a lotion that cleans the sould throught the prayer.
GOD TOUcHED THEM AGAIN: when the young ones on the team decided to deny themselves to enjoy another weekend at home and decided to get out and spread the gospel.
GOD TOUCHED THEM AGAIN: the day the thought GOd was ignoring them ´coz they couldnt hear His voice.
SO GOD TOUCHED THEM AGAIN when did EXTRAORDINARY things trhough this very ORDINARY people who all they have to give was.. a heart.

2009-03-14T13:00:00.000-07:00

Update

2009-03-10T13:51:00.001-07:00

When I came back from my country on January things seemed to be the same, school would keep me busy , i needed to help mom and dad at their ministry and i had a new job working as the logistic and comunication person with the International Baptist Convention of Nicaragua(CIEMBIN).THe first 2 months passed away and march became the most exciting time in my life ever! My brother travel to Argentina for mission's school and while he was getting ready God started to talk to my heart about the ministry he called me to.
"The Ministry" that word still scares me sometimes, specially when i think about all the responsabilities and challegnes i will have in the future. However, I decided to walk in faith and say yes to a pproject that is TRANSFORMING my life..
Last week i went with the people of Convoy of Hope to the country in Nicaragua, we gave 800 bags of provisions to the people but, personally, the were who gave me the most.
They gave the oportunity of doing more than the beginning of a video and a project, they showed me where my real ministry starts at and that is NICARAGUA, the place i came in order to OBEY God, a year ago, the truth is that being there surrounded by the creation and the creatures God created made me feel the love GOd has for this people and as I experienced before in other places my heart got warm of love for them too.
Coming home wasn´t as easy as I thought after that unforgetable experience,'coz we are so confortable in our own worlds that we totally forget the reason we are here. I can´t blame those who stays here forever working for the Kingdom, because is so obvious for me now the hunger this peeps have of JESUS.
Few days after that I remebered the quote that transformed my life 5 years ago : to know God to make Him known.How are we making Him known? I discovered that even when I was trying my efforts where not enough since I almost lost my focus. How are u Making Him know?
I can´t really answer that question for you but what I can tell you is that after He talked to me diligence in every area of my life HE asked me to stay for another year after i get done with school. So yes, that means i am gonna live here for another 2 years. Isn´t that exciting?
Well to let Him known is about working as a team and i can tell you we have a loot of work to do here so if you are wondering now what can u do to enlarge the Kingdom I invite you to spend few days here. i assure you, You will never be the same!

Starting over...

2009-03-10T13:40:00.000-07:00

I decided to write on my blog again since i realized there are so many things i can´t really share when we are on msn or any instant message service. God is too big to be describe on an hour at the internet and i guess i haven´t been that determined to share what He is doing while I am living here, so for all of you who are always waitting for a newsletter that I rarely wrote last year I'M Sorry!!

Cuando lo que Dios hace no tiene sentido

2008-02-08T08:20:00.000-08:00

Regresaba de mi viaje a Chicago hace una semana después de dos días de cancelaciones de vuelos, debido a la nieve.

Mi cuerpo apenas podía soportar el viaje y la mayor parte del tiempo intenté descansar, pero las turbulencias en el cielo me lo impedían.

Decidí sentarme y contemplar el cielo desde mi ventana, pero la neblina era tan oscura y densa que me impedía ver al menos un rayo de sol. Mi mente empezó a preguntarse si lograríamos llegar al aeropuerto: "esa neblina seguramente no deja ver al piloto el camino"- dije.

" Y si chocamos con otro avión?, y si el piloto no logra ver el aeropuerto?".

Mis pensamientos eran cada vez más grises, decidí orar y pedirle a Dios que calmara mis nervios cuando lo escuche decir: " La vida es como un avión en vuelo. No puedes ver nada debajo de ti la mayoría del tiempo, pero confías que el radar y el colega en la torre de control te guiarán y ayudarán a aterrizar con éxito.

El avión eres tú, y yo soy tu piloto. La biblia es la torre de control que te guía para saber adónde y cuándo debes maniobrar. A veces, verás que todo a tu alrededor es negro y denso , y talvés no sepas hacia adónde te diriges, pero debes confiar en mí. Porque yo soy quien te guía. Yo soy tu piloto"

Entonces recordé aquel sentimiento que tuve cuando mi familia aceptó el llamado a ir a Nicaragua, y las conversaciones que sostuvimos días antes de que yo partiera hacia Chicago. Miles de preguntas recorrían sus pensamientos y el desánimo y la incertidumbre casi dominaba su ser.

Es difícil confiar en algo que nuca has visto antes y pareciera que Dios antes de hacer un gran milagro siempre pide a su gente hacer algo que nuestra mente considera ilógica, incoherente y surrealista.

A Abraham le pidió dejar su casa y su parentela para reglarle una tierra que nadie sabía si existía y, sin embargo, obedeció. A Josué le pidió que diera 7 vueltas alrededor de una muralla y conquistar una ciudad cuya población superaba en número a los Israelitas,mientras gritaban, más ellos confiaron. A Elías le pidió mojar su sacrifio frente a un ejército de sacerdotes de Baal, dispuestos a matarlo si fallaba, prometiéndole enviar fuego del cielo; y él creyó.

Cada una de esas historias tiene un parecido con la historia de mi familia. A cada uno de ellos les pidió arriesgar algo que amaban para obtener algo que era 3 o 4 veces más grande de lo que se imaginaban. Debían confiar ciegamente y dejarse guíar por aquel que había soñado ya con ese momento sublime; Dios.

Lo único que debían hacer era obedecer e ignorar cualquier tipo de pensamiento racional que viniera a su mente. Y al final, cada uno de ellos obtuvo aquello que le fue prometido.

Muchas veces nos resulta difícil entender porque Dios nos pide hacer cosas y confiar en Él a ciegas, pero debemos recordar que es él quien sabe lo mejor para nuestras vidas.

Lo único que debemos hacer es confiar.

"Mi hermano pagó el precio"

2007-11-16T10:18:00.001-08:00

Vestida con una blusa color naranja y un pantalón negro, nos dio la bienvenida a su casa con una enorme sonrisa. Cecy Nereyda es una sobreviviente de la guerra civil de la década de los ochenta en EL Salvador. Década que para ella significa guerra; conflictos en la familia y la desaparición de su hermano y algunos amigos.
“Siempre andábamos temerosos. Éramos estudiantes universitarios y en ese tiempo no era bien visto, hasta escondíamos nuestro carné y los libros porque habían muchos cateos”, declara. En aquella época la guerrilla estaba en su apogeo, creían que todos eran guerrilleros y veían en ellos al enemigo. Según Cecy era un atentado subirse a los autobuses pues muchas veces se encontraban con personas que pegaban cosas o hacía grafitis y eso podía ocasionarle problemas, sobre todo cuando tenían conocidos o amigos que formaban parte de la guerrilla. “Era algo bien conflictivo, porque… ¿cómo íbamos a dejar de hablarles y al mismo tiempo cómo no tenerle miedo a las represalias del ejército? Fue una situación bien dura para nosotros como jóvenes en esa época”.
Pero la guerra no solo afectó su círculo de amigos y conocidos, su núcleo familiar también sufrió los embates del conflicto armado cuando su hermano Ranfis, de escasos 16 años, desapareció un atardecer de mayo de 1981, “nunca supimos nada. Todo eso marcó la vida de nuestra familia. Nuestro padre acababa de morir y mi mamá ya no pudo vivir en el país, no porque nosotros fuéramos perseguidos políticos, sino debido al trauma de saber que mi hermano había desaparecido; era bien duro para ella encontrarse gente que le preguntaba por él”, afirma mientras sus grandes ojos café se llenan de lágrimas.
En esa época ella pertenecía a la Cruz Roja Salvadoreña por lo que la primera institución a la que recurrieron después de la tragedia fue la Cruz Roja Internacional, que en ese momento todavía estaba en el país, pero las investigaciones no dieron fruto alguno. Sin embargo, el ferviente anhelo de encontrar a su hermano los movió a recurrir a casi cualquier instancia que les permitiera tan siquiera mantener viva la esperanza de encontrar a su familiar con vida.“Mi mamá era amiga de los de la junta revolucionaria del coronel Majano en esa época, pero igual. Estuvimos con varias personas: inclusive yo estuve en el cuartel de la policía de hacienda con el coronel Méndez Azahar, pero no pudimos hacer nada”, declara el ama de casa de 48 años.
Cecy afirma que al igual que muchos salvadoreños que perdieron un familiar durante la guerra civil de El Salvador, su madre fue víctima de estafadores quienes aprovechándose de la angustia ajena cobraban altas sumas de dinero prometiendo y muchas veces afirmando haber encontrado a su hermano, “Hubo un abogado que estuvo sacándole dinero a mi madre, diciéndole que él iba a sacar a mi hermano, que él lo había visto. Pero, a través de los años, nos dimos cuenta que todo eso era mentira.”
Así que decidieron dejar todo en manos de la justicia en lugar de denunciar el hecho a las instituciones preocupadas por conocer el paradero de los miles de salvadoreños desaparecidos durante la década de los ochenta, “Al principio lo que detuvo a mi mamá fue el hecho de que ella era una persona muy pasiva, muy entregada a Dios y siempre dijo que le iba dejar las cosas a Él , y , al mismo tiempo, el temor a las represalias, porque si bien es cierto había desaparecido mi hermano, todos éramos jóvenes: mis hermanos estaban en la adolescencia y yo era universitaria, así que mi mamá por el mismo temor no lo hizo. Además, ella no quería andar en manifestaciones ni en nada. Solo recurrimos a la Cruz Roja Internacional. Sin embargo, mi hermano nunca ha aparecido como desaparecido político, ni aparece, creo, en los padrones, porque nunca se puso la denuncia.” expresa Nereyda.
En 1992 cuando al fin se firmaron los acuerdos de paz, Cecy y su familia asistieron a la fiesta celebrada en la plaza Barrios de San Salvador, frente a la catedral metropolitana, según ella ninguno había expresado a los otros que asistiría con la esperanza de darse cuenta que la guerrilla se lo había llevado y de esa manera encontrar a su amado familiar vivo o al menos conocer un poco más sobre lo que pasó aquél fatídico día, pero su hermano nunca apareció. Sin embargo, se quedó en sus corazones y sus pensamientos.

Mana -

2007-11-01T20:06:00.001-07:00

Adónde están?

2007-11-01T19:01:00.000-07:00

La guerra civil en El Salvador trajo consigo más que destrucción y pobreza al país y a las familias salvadoreñas. Muchos perdimos, hijos, padres, madres, hermanos, tíos y amigos ya sea porque pelearon en uno u otro bando, o como en la mayoría de los casos fueron víctimas inocentes de esa época.
Miles de salvadoreños desaparecieron; en algunos casos, sus familiares tuvieron la dicha de verles por última vez mientras permanecían tendidos en el suelo esperando en Dios no ser fusilados por la guerrilla o el ejército y muchos otros no tuvieron la oportunidad de siquiera despedirse.
Antes y después de la firma de los acuerdos de paz muchos corazones angustiados recurrieron a diversas organizaciones con la esperanza de encontrar una pista que les aumentaran la esperanza o la destruyeran de una vez al conocer el destino de sus amados.
Sin embargo, otros miles decidieron callar por temor a las represalias que el gobierno o la guerrilla pudieran tomar contra los sobrevivientes y prefieron llorar a sus desaparecidos en silencio, aguardando a la ley divina y rezando para que Dios le guardara de cualquier mal.
Decidí escribir esta nota motivada por la impotencia de saber que muchos aún no quieren poner denuncias formales a asociaciones que pudieran ayudarles a conocer al menos donde quedaron los cuerpos de aquellos que una vez desaparecieron dejando como rastro únicamente un fantasma de melancolía en el corazón de sus familiares, es necesario darnos cuenta que perdonar y olvidar no es lo mismo. Perdonar no es olvidar, sino recordar sin rencor y si algún día se logre sin dolor. Olvidar es ignorar, ignorar un dolor tan profundo que no nos permite vivir; dejemos de olvidar y empecemos a perdonar dejando de temer al sistema en el que vivimos en la década de los ochenta. Hagamos oir nuestra voz y como Juan Gelman decía:" cada mañana como olvido, no te olvides de olvidar el olvido"

Miedo

2007-10-26T21:22:00.001-07:00

No tengas miedo de expresar tus emociones y sueños...

Hacia dónde vamos?

2007-10-26T20:00:00.000-07:00

Para muchos, saber hacia adónde van significa saber adónde estarán en cinco, diez o veinte años. Yo, sin embargo, creo que saber adónde voy depende de las desiciones que tome en este momento. Sé qué es lo quiero hacer y adónde quiero vivir dentro de cinco, diez o veinte años. Pero, creo que para lograr eso no solo debo estudiar mucho, sino tomar las desiciones correctas. Decidir seguir estudiando, aunque sienta que esté al borde de un colapso mental, esperar culminar mi carrera para casarme y así tener menos distracciones en el estudio; aunque eso es algo que en lo personal no me preocupa en lo más mínimo, aprender de los errores que cometa en los reportes de clases en lugar de echarme a llorar y maldecir al maestro incluyen algunas de estas desiciones.

Mi presente es el resultado de desiciones que tomé en el pasado y mi futuro será el resultado de las que tome hoy.

Pero, ¿hacia adónde voy?, se preguntarán. Bueno, yo, voy hacia lugares, posiciones y situaciones que nadie en mi familia soñó, hacia donde nadie en mi familia se atrevió a ir, porque la mayoría de ellos no tuvieron la oportunidad de culminar una carrera universitaria o por lo menos hacer el intento, y en otros casos porque algunos de ellos pensaron que el paquete de ser joven no incluía las desiciones que marcarían el futuro y se dedicaron a hacer y deshacer su vida a su antojo.

Así que tomé la desición de terminar cada cosa que iniciara, y decidí seguir el camino de algunos de mis familiares y convertirme en comunicadora social. Las cosas nunca han sido fáciles, pero la determinación ha sido una pieza clave en mi vida y aquí estoy parada en la brecha, y decidí no dar marcha atrás.

Tomé la desición de pararme en la brecha de muchas cosas hace algunos años, 6 años para ser exacta, cuando terminé mi bachillerato e inicié una carrera en la universidad nacional , misma que no culminé por problemas de salud.

En ese tiempo, al igual que muchos creía saber hacia adonde me dirigía. Sin embargo, me di cuenta que saber hacia adonde voy es conocer o imaginar, por lo menos, los resultados de las desiciones que tomo día a día. Desde la forma en la que me cepillo los dientes, hasta la manera en la que me relaciono con mis compañeros en la universidad. Cada una de esas cosas, marcan el camino hacia ese lugar anhelado en el que estaré en el futuro.

Voy a ser la primera persona de mi generación, en mi familia, que se gradúa de la universidad, y se especializará en una maestría en el extranjero. La primera que se irá a otro país a poner en práctica los conocimientos adquiridos en el campo misionero. Al culminar mi carrera, iré a Belice para ayudar a una agencia misionera en el área de las comunicaciones por un año o un año y medio y después de esto, si Dios me permite, estudiaré una maestría en algo relacionado al fotoperiodismo en Inglaterra.

Casarme es algo que me gustaría hacer, no es una prioridad en mi vida, pero, creo que eso es algo que al igual que todos mis sueños vendrá si tomo buenas desiciones.

Mi “hacia adonde” incluye más que las cosas materiales que mis desiciones puedan acarrear. Está compuesto de valores y sueños alcanzados que me permitan honrar a mis padres como Dios me pide que lo haga. Que me permitan ser un ejemplo para mis hermanos y un empuje para que ellos alcancen sus metas y sueños, con mayor empeño del que yo he puesto a los míos. Pero sobretodo, ese “hacia adónde” incluye los sueños que he soñado con Dios y que muchos talvez no puedan entender, esos lugares adonde ÉL quiere guiar mi vida y esas metas que me ha demostrado puedo alcanzar tomada de su mano y todo depende de las desiciones que tome y de lo obediente que yo sea a Él.

Todo es cuestión de actitud

2007-10-09T17:51:00.001-07:00

Cuestión de actitud

2007-10-09T17:21:00.000-07:00

Lo abandonaron en el hospital un día después de haber visto la luz. Sus probabilidades de sobrevivir con apenas 6 meses de gestación eran casi nulas, su peso y estatura eran tan bajos que podía cargársele con una sola mano, y sin embargo estaba ahí respirando sin necesidad de un ventilador. Se siguieron todos los procedimientos necesarios para salvar su vida y lo lograron; seis meses después Ovidio, así lo llamaban los médicos en honor al jefe de pediatría, salió del hospital rumbo al hogar de niños para esperar ser adoptado.

Los años pasaron y Ovidio casi cumplía los dieciocho años, su estatura era dos veces menor a la de un joven de su edad, era muy retraído y rara vez opinaba en clases, pensaba que era muy poca cosa para que alguien se interesara en conocer sus pensamientos, después de todo hasta sus padres lo habían abandonado. Sus compañeros le decían “el huerfanito” no porque ellos no reconocieran su situación de huérfanos, sino porque estaban hartos de la actitud de conmisericordia y autocensura que Ovidio exponía a diario en el orfanato. Solía sentarse por horas debajo de un árbol de almendros a llorar y analizar las posibles razones por las que le abandonaron al nacer, en clases mientras los demás compartían su sueño de convertirse en doctor, arquitecto, músico o bombero se paraba y decía: eso no es para nosotros, los que pueden lograr eso es la gente de otro nivel que tiene dinero, amor y una familia y no ha sufrido el abandono como nosotros. Obsérvense en el espejo detenidamente y se darán cuenta que no somos más que un estorbo necesario para que la sociedad este bien equilibrada.

― ¿Y pancho pues?― Le decían―a ese nadie lo adoptó tampoco y ahora ya va a la universidad y tiene su negocio de artesanías. Si lo que uno necesita en la vida no es el dinero, sino las ganas de vivir y una buena actitud para todo. Vos con esa actitud de “pobrecito yo” no vas a ir a ningún lado huerfanito. Si no tenés nada bueno que decir mejor ¡calláte! Y todos le daban la espalda .

Una tarde, mientras Ovidio limpiaba su cuarto encontró un diario bajo un cajón viejo lleno de papeles y ropa que pancho había dejado olvidados cuando salió del orfanato. Hojeó el diario y se detuvo a leer una de sus páginas fechada 7 de diciembre de 1989. Las primeras líneas decían: “Ahora descubrí que cambiar de actitud no se trata de cambiar mi personalidad, gustos o anhelos. Cambiar la actitud significa encarar los problemas bajo otra perspectiva. Las pruebas no se han hecho para fallar sino para descubrir cuán lejos podemos llegar y cuán fuertes somos o no. Toda prueba tiene una salida y soy yo quién decido darle una solución permanente a un problema temporal o pasarme la vida llorando porque no encuentro la solución sabiendo que esta la tengo en mis manos. Lo único que necesito para cambiar mi realidad por completo es cambiar mi actitud y tener fe. Dejaré de compórtame como si fuera el único huérfano en el mundo y de temer al día en el que cruce esa puerta para hacer mi propia vida, no daré lugar a la depresión ni el desánimo. A partir de hoy cuando el dolor o el temor vengan a mi vida recordaré que cada dolor transfiere un peso de gloria (…)sé que el nuevo yo se reflejará en mi comportamiento, porque todo lo que tengo en el corazón se refleja en el exterior.”

Esa noche, aquellas palabras martillaban su cabeza y no le dejaban dormir. Recordó todas las veces en las que, frente al espejo, se dijo: “bueno para nada, deja de soñar vos no sos más que uno de dos millones que intentan sobrevivir en un orfanato”. Con lágrimas en los ojos salió al patio, se sentó bajo el árbol de siempre y escribió: este día dejé de ser el Ovidio de siempre, si esto funciona en una semana juro quedarme a ayudar a otros como yo a salir de sus problemas. Perdonaré a mis padres aunque no sepa porque me abandonaron y los amaré como si los hubiera tenido toda la vida”. Entró a su habitación y descanso con una paz que nunca antes había experimentado. El día siguiente a la hora del desayuno se sentó junto a sus compañeros. En las clases participaba más que los demás y se asombraba al darse cuenta que conocía más de lo que se imaginaba. Todos estaban estupefactos de escucharlo hablar, muchos ahí apenas habían escuchado su voz algunas veces y las otras lo ignoraron pues sabían que era un pesimista empedernido.

Y ahí estaba él, en su cumpleaños número dieciocho , pidiéndole al director que le dieran trabajo como consejero para poder pagar así sus clases de psicología en la universidad. Aquel joven era otro, su vida estaba llena de sueños y alegría. Su rostro tenía un brillo nunca antes visto y era raro no ver una sonrisa amistosa en su cara. Cuando el director le preguntó que era lo que había cambiado en él. Ovidio respondió: “en mí no ha cambiado nada excepto mi actitud, por eso todo cambió”. Y salió del orfanato sonriente rumbo a su nueva vida en la universidad con una actitud positiva y recordando que la vida se trata de aprender a vivir.

Cómo vencer los temores

2007-09-28T05:43:00.000-07:00

Estaba parada frente al formulario de ingreso de la universidad. Aquella línea le parecía la más larga, profunda y terrible de todas: “Carrera a la que aplica”. Sus manos temblorosas se negaban a escribir lo que decía su corazón. De su frente bajaba un río de sudor que llegó hasta su garganta y se perdió en el cuello de la blusa morada que vestía ese día. Tomó el lápiz y dibujó por tercera vez la letra C.

Corita era una niña muy obediente a sus padres, rara vez se atrevía a cuestionar las decisiones que estos tomaban por ella. Cuando le pidieron que dejara de asistir a la iglesia porque esta le robaba el tiempo, ella obedeció, aun cuando sabía que lo que sus padres menos tenían era tiempo para compartir con ella. Lo mismo ocurrió cuando le prohibieron ingresar al grupo de coreografías del colegio; a las clases de inglés; a invitar amigos a su casa, etc. Temía a la severidad de sus padres y a lo que la sociedad y la familia dijera de estos si ella se salía del manual. Pero le disgustaba la idea de ser parte del grupo de los que nunca pierden ni ganan, porque no se arriesgan. Detestaba saber que era parte del grupo de los cobardes.

Desde niña soñó con convertirse en una de esas mujeres intrépidas que salen en la televisión. Solía parase frente al espejo y con un peine en su mano, reportar sobre el clima o algún accidente de tránsito. Pasaba horas leyendo y escribiendo noticias. Encabezados como: “princesa raptada por horrible monstruo”, “EL lobo feroz ataca otra vez”, y otros, describían la vocación de aquella niña por las comunicaciones. Sus padres, más que como una verdadera afición, tomaban aquella actitud como un juego de niños. Después de todo, ella había sido elegida para cumplir los sueños que ellos no alcanzaron: convertirse en administrador de empresas.

Los años transcurrían y su amor por la comunicación social aumentaba, al igual que la emoción de sus progenitores al imaginar a su hija sentada en una oficina de lujo, como administradora de alguna empresa reconocida. La idea le parecía repulsiva y mezquina; una vez más debería cumplir los deseos de sus padres a cuenta de su propia felicidad. Pero el temor a la reacción de ellos era más fuerte que sus deseos de arriesgarse a triunfar y alcanzar sus sueños. Sus pensamientos sobre la carrera rara vez venían solos, la mayoría del tiempo se acompañaban de frases como: “los periodistas se mueren de hambre y nosotros queremos lo mejor para vos”, “si querés estudiar vas a hacer lo que digamos, sino hay ve cómo pagas la U”, y otras que le atormentaban y le impedían actuar.

Y es que para dominar a una persona basta con meterle miedo en el cuerpo. Lo demás es pan comido, porque una vez ganada la voluntad, la decisión de no actuar ya se tomó y el demonio del temor salió victorioso. Los miedos crecen hasta donde uno les permite y ellos hacen con nosotros lo que les dejemos hacer. Los que no se arriesgan en la vida, rara vez alcanzan el éxito y disfrutan de sus frutos, ya que este no se trata de obtener el mejor empleo del mundo, el mejor salario, la casa más bonita, etc. Una persona exitosa es aquella que aprendió a levantarse, sacudirse el polvo y continuar cuando perdió una batalla y alegrarse, pero no confiarse cuando ganó otra. El que no se arriesga no vive, porque vive por los demás. Hace lo que los demás quieren, pero nunca se atrevieron a hacer. Habla y piensa como todos lo hacen, aunque por dentro no entiendan ni una palabra. Nunca aprenderán a ganar o perder porque no vivieron con intensidad, como los papás de Corita, que odiaban su profesión, pero al salir de la universidad no decidieron pagarse los estudios para alcanzar su sueño.

Y ahí estaba ella, lápiz en mano y demonio del temor a la par amedrentándola para que no actuara. Sus ojos se llenaron de lágrimas y en su garganta se anidó un suspiro. Comunicación Social, escribió, y salió victoriosa del recinto, mientras el demonio se revolcaba de dolor y humillación al saberse vencido. A los temores hay que enfrentarlos para experimentar la belleza de la vida, porque ellos no conocen de riesgos o palabras. Solo así lograremos ser lo que siempre anhelamos y convertirnos en lo que todos deberíamos ser: Ganadores.

2007-09-21T10:49:00.001-07:00

Hola amigos:

Bienvenidos a este espacio en el que podrás compartir tus sueñosplasmados en papel.
En esta página podrás conocer y compartir más cosas que nos interesan a nosotros como jóvenes.

Ven y comparte conmigo aquellos pensamientos, sueños e inquietudes que viajan por tu mente día a día.

Si deseas conocer más sobre otros redactores te invito a visitar los siguientes sitios:

http://www.escritoresunidos.spaces.live.com

http://www.escritoresunidos.wordpress.com